Some people just aren’t worth the emotional effort or work that goes into responding, especially if they haven’t invested in your relationship.
“Having this awareness and empathy might help you soften first before responding to them.” Why you don’t have to answer the commenter “So before you respond, ask yourself what might be going on that would cause that person to say what they did,” Aguirre says. But it could be that they’re rushing to the hospital with their partner who’s in labor. “Humans have a tendency to commit the fundamental attribution error, which means that we assume someone’s poor actions are due to their character and not their circumstance.”įor example, if someone on the road speeds and cuts you off, you might assume that they’re being rude. Kendal Cassidy, a psychologist based in Tacoma, Washington, agrees.
“This does not justify the behavior or action but can help us to create some distance.”ĭr. “Even if the behavior is completely uncalled for or inappropriate, perspective-taking helps us to understand a person’s actions instead of internalizing them,” explains Leah Aguirre, a licensed social worker and practicing therapist in San Diego, California. It’s important to consider the larger picture - and your relationship with the person who made the comment. If someone says something that upsets you, take a moment before you react.